Ego can be a confusing term, so let’s first define what we mean by ego. When we talk about ego we are not using it in a clinical sense at all. We are simply referring to the sense that a person has that there is a separate “me” inside a body which is looking out at the rest of the universe.
Obviously, each human being is an individual, so why would we advocate for letting go of your ego when it is clearly a necessary part of getting around in the world? After all, everyone needs healthy boundaries, don’t they?
Yes, of course everyone needs healthy boundaries, and everyone needs an ego to have boundaries in the first place. When we say let go of your ego, we are not talking about ignoring the reality that you are an individual. We are simply nudging you to keep your sense of ego in a healthy balance and avoid overinflating it.
Imagine for a moment that your ego is like a balloon. The more air you pump into a balloon, the easier it is to pop it by barely touching something sharp. On the other hand, if you have ever played with a balloon that has lost most of its air, you may have noticed that even when you intentionally try to pop it with something sharp it can be difficult to pop.
Your ego operates in the same way. Once you learn some basic steps to deconstructing your ego, you may find that rather than being upset by small unintended slights from others you are unaffected by even when other intentionally try to upset you because you no longer make the behavior of others about you.
Wait a minute. Did we just say that when others try to hurt your feelings it isn’t about you? Yes we did, and that will be the topic of another article about not taking things personally, which is not only a part of deconstructing the ego, but it is a part of learning to manage painful emotions. It is one of the most basic coping skills you need, and yet it is not something that most people have ever been taught.
The main concept to keep in mind about the ego is that it’s most important utilitarian function is to help you manage your physical self. Your ego helps you eat, sleep, and get to work on time. Beyond that, if you begin attaching demands for certain conditions or stories to your ego, you are hindering your ability to find fulfillment and peace of mind.
For example, if you have decided that others must always show you respect in whatever way you consider respect to be shown, you are inflating your ego. Yet if you are reading this article you are clearly experienced in life to already know that many people will have different ideas about respect and may do things that you judge as disrespectful that are not even on their radar.
Chances are that you have also experienced that sometimes people who share your ideas about respect will behave in ways that you consider to be disrespectful either unintentionally or intentionally. Are you really going to give up your power to others every single time they don’t conform to your ideas about how they should behave? You are not the boss of the rest of humanity, so the only options you have are to accept that you cannot control others, just as they cannot control you, or to pretend to be surprised that anyone could possibly disrespect you so you can pretend to be a victim and indulge yourself in a little self-righteous indignation. Which version of yourself is most appealing to you?
If you find that you suffer a lot through your social interactions, you can request social skills training from the Temple speaker by using the contact form on the guidance page of this website.