There is a lot of talk these days about people who are either clinically diagnosed as narcissists or who at least annoy others with narcissistic behaviors. The truth is to some degree we are all narcissists and this is unavoidable. For example, let’s just say that you carry the idea within you that it is wrong to steal and someone steals an object from you that has great sentimental value. If you feel angry about this boundary violation, it is based on your projection that everyone should share your internal value system. For better or worse, this is a narcissistic point of view and for most people it is unavoidable, so we like to refer to it as fundamental narcissism. There is nothing wrong with fundamental narcissism, but if we are not aware that we carry it within ourselves, we suffer needlessly. Once we realize that fundamental narcissism exists within us, we can reframe many boundary violations in a way that is less painful for us which will be discussed in another post.
Obiously, in order for there to be a peaceful society, it is nice when groups of people agree upon various values, which is very likely a reason that religions came to be in the first place. Since there were likely to always be people who didn’t like the rules of the society, it became necessary to have consequences not just in this life, but after death to try to maintain a certain level of behavioral adherence to the societal value system.
Knowing that fundamental narcissism exists gives you insight into others as well. For example, if someone is always accusing others of lying, it is sometimes because they were very traumatized in the past by a lie, but it is also sometimes because they lie frequently and their fundamental narcissism causes them to expect that from others. We don’t recommend that you jump to conclusions about which is the case, but we do recommend that you pay attention so you can taek good care of yourself when you encounter people who seem to be overly concerned about various boundary violations.